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The Time is Now to Help

Single mom still facing tough times

August 04, 2010 | 07:35 AM
Dear W.C.,

I am a single mom raising my daughter on my own. I escaped an extremely abusive husband in another state and moved to Wisconsin. I had hoped the job market would be better here than where I used to live. It definitely is not. We had talked about me going to college before we got married but as soon as I said I do, his whole personality changed.

He decided I needed to start working right away to pay for our rent and utilities. He claimed he could never find a job and was relying on me to support us. When I complained about his sitting around the house all day, drinking and not job hunting, he became abusive. He was careful to always hit me where bruises wouldn't show. He didn't want me to miss a day's work. He would take my paycheck from me and all my tips every night. I started hiding some of my tips when I had a good night. If I didn't bring home enough in tips he would become angry and tell me I was lazy.

We were always without food and many times our rent or utilities weren't paid because he would spend the money on drinking or gambling. When we were short money for the month it was always my fault that I wasn't working hard enough. He made me get another job to bring in more money for him to waste. He would abuse me and hurt me. He told me since I was his wife he was legally in his rights. When I became pregnant he was furious. He yelled at me and kicked me several times.

What should have been the happiest day of our marriage became the worst day of my life. His cruel abuse was at its worst. When I realized the cruelty was not going to stop, and constant threats of killing me and our unborn child, I knew the only way out was to run away. He did not know I had an aunt in Wisconsin. I did not know where else to go.

I have since had my baby while living at my aunt's one bedroom apartment. She cannot keep me here forever as she is struggling herself. I cry every night worrying about our future. Can you offer any help or direction?

Feeling Lost

Dear Readers,

I really struggle emotionally when I read letters detailing abusive relationships. It is even more upsetting when children are involved. We really need to do more to protect our women and children from these abusive situations. They are often much too afraid to ask for protection themselves due to fear and the lack of laws to truly protect women.

This single mother did what she could to save herself and her unborn child. She told me her husband was a monster and should have been in jail for the treatment she received. As soon as he swept her off her feet and they were married he took her away from all her friends and family and moved her to another state. Her mother and father died when she was a child. The husband did not allow her to have friends or visitors. She was only allowed out of the house for work and he drove her there.

Even when he was too drunk to drive he insisted. If she commented on his drunken state as he drove she was guaranteed another punishment. I can't imagine the psychological as well as physical damage she sustained. The pregnancy did not stop him from his cruelty. He found other ways to torture her. She knew if she called the police and he was let out of jail he would punish her. The only way out she knew of was to write a letter to her aunt she hadn't seen since she was a child. She told her aunt not to write her back but gave her the restaurant's phone number where she worked.

Her aunt called and they immediately formed a bond. Her aunt helped her to plan her escape and drove many hours to pick her up and bring her to safety. Their plan worked but it left the wife without a job and very pregnant. The aunt helped her to see a doctor, and stayed with her as she delivered a healthy baby. The aunt brought her to a lawyer who was a family friend. The lawyer gave her some temporary work and filed for the divorce.

The aunt is struggling to keep them all fed and housed in her one bedroom apartment on her limited Social Security income and a part time job. They have applied for assistance but it is impossible to obtain at this time. The mother receives some assistance for the baby's needs, but nothing for housing or utilities.

When I spoke to the mother I asked what she is looking for in a job. Her reply was anything she could find that would pay the bills. She did not want to use her previous job as a reference in fear her ex-husband would come looking for her. I asked her if she liked working in the attorney's office. Her face lit up and with a smile she assured me she would love to continue there. I asked her if she had asked them if there would be a full-time job available for her. She had not. I encouraged her to ask them for a job. When we spoke a few days later she was very excited to report they loved how she had organized their office and were hiring her. She was so excited she started crying, thanking God.

The aunt received an eviction notice for having too many people living in her small apartment. I immediately contacted the landlord. The landlord agreed to not evict the elderly aunt if the niece would vacate the apartment.

The Time Is Now To Help helped the mother find a small one bedroom apartment, not that far from her aunt. We supplied the security deposit and first month's rent. We also helped her to get her utilities connected. She could not believe a complete stranger would be so kind to her and her baby. I reminded her it was not just I but the many wonderful supporters of The Time Is Now that gave her the helping hand she needed. She offered many tearful thank you's to everyone.

Since her new beginning she has become a much more confident woman. She no longer looks to the floor when we speak. The aunt says she even sees an occasional smile, mostly when she is looking at her beautiful baby. She has many emotional scars. But her life has been made easier for now by your Caring and Sharing. Together we, and her aunt, freed her from the physical and mental bondage of abuse and poverty. God Bless all of you for helping our fellow creations.

Please help. Please consider donating at this time as every dollar you donate will be matched by another, doubling your donation by the Richard Driehaus Matching Grant. Thank you for caring and sharing. Together we make a big difference helping our fellow creations of God.

Health & Happiness, God Bless Everyone, W.C.

Please Help: Make checks payable to: The Time Is Now To Help, P.O. Box 70, Pell Lake, WI 53157. The Time Is Now To Help is a federally recognized 501(c)3 charitable organization licensed in the states of Wisconsin and Illinois. You will receive a tax deductible, itemized thank you receipt showing exactly what every penny of your donation provided for the poverty stricken.

Gage Lake Geneva Cruise Line Helps: We have been offered another wonderful fundraising opportunity by Gage Lake Geneva Cruise Line. They are offering every Thursday evening a Cocktail Cruise to benefit The Time Is Now To Help. This cruise is available every Thursday boarding at 6:15 p.m. and returning at 8 p.m. The cruise features a hi-lite tour of the lake shore estates, entertainment, and a complimentary boarding beverage. When calling for reservations you need to mention code: TIN for Time Is Now and we will receive $10 of each ticket sale. Individuals, groups, or your organization will be honored for caring and sharing. What a great way to enjoy the beauty of Lake Geneva and give back to those less fortunate in our area. Call (262) 248-6206 for reservations.

A Very Special Thank You: Martin Business Group, Dick & Jean Honeyager, Martin O'Brien, Dennis & Christine Haak, Mary Peter, Joan Murphy, Donald & Mildred Carl, Donald & Jean Smith, James & Rita Barron, Donald & Annette Roesing, William & Mary Alyce Wehner, Lillian Rudolf, Rita Race, James & Mary Loftus, Aurora Health Care, Gene Krauklis, Shawna Kneipper, Lisa Loepke, Mary Cucchi, Heidi Hall, Jeanne McDonald, Joanne Abbe, Diane Palma, W.C. Family Resource Center/Food Pantry volunteers, Dr. Mark & Cynthia Brower, ALL of you who support The Time Is Now to Help donation boxes, and the businesses that allow our donation boxes. Anyone who would like a Time Is Now donation box in your business, please call (262) 249-7000.

Memorials: Elizabeth Czaja & Pat Shermon in memory of Dr. Ladd Koresch. We Desperately Need Cars: Please donate a used car to help our fellow American's get to work and other daily necessities.

Goodsearch for The Time Is Now: Search the web with www.goodsearch.com and help to raise funds for The Time Is Now To Help. Just make www.goodsearch.com your homepage, pick The Time Is Now as your charity and the rest is simple.

Please visit www.timeisnowtohelp.org.

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