The Time is Now for Help
A troubled life after abuse
July 06, 2011 | 07:30 AMDear W.C.,
I am writing to see if you can help my granddaughter. She and her two children moved in with me several months ago after living out of state with her husband. Her husband was in the military and was seriously injured. He has permanent disabilities and had become abusive. He is angry at the world and she begged him to get help. When he became physically abusive and began to beat her, she knew it was time to leave. He does not want to even see his children. He does not pay any child support. My granddaughter is having such a hard time. She feels sorry for her ex-husband and knows the rest of his life will be a struggle. She has a big heart and life has not been easy for her. Could you please contact me to speak about this further?
A Worried Grandmother
I called the worried grandmother to set up a time to talk to both her and the granddaughter. She invited me over. I arrived at an apartment complex I knew was senior housing. I knew the landlord would not approve of the granddaughter and great-grandchildren living there for long. I was met in the hall by the grandmother that wrote the letter requesting help. She ushered me inside a small one bedroom apartment that was not made to accommodate two women and two children, but they had nowhere else to go.
The children settled down to watch TV while I sat in the kitchen to talk to the two women. The older woman introduced me to her granddaughter. The grandmother asked the granddaughter if it would be alright to talk to me about her family situation. The granddaughter took her grandmother's hand and began to tell me her situation.
The granddaughter had grown up living with her grandparents. Her mother had given birth to her when she was just 18. She never knew her father and had never had any contact with him. Her mother had died from cancer eight years earlier. Her grandfather had also passed away not long after the loss of her mother. She had just graduated college when this all happened. She admitted she jumped into marrying her husband because she thought it would help heal the loss she was suffering. He was in the military. She was 22 and became pregnant. She finally felt happy again after all her grief.
Her husband was happy to be a father and wanted another child right away. Then during her second pregnancy her husband was deployed overseas. He suffered severe physical injuries. Retelling this story to me seemed to take everything out of the granddaughter. She looked drained and had tears running down her face. I noticed the tight grasp she had on her grandmother's hand. I could see they shared a bond from years of shared love and loss.
The children were now 6 and 4. The granddaughter had tried to bring them to visit their father while he was in the hospital, but he turned them away. She went to visit him every day. His anger and frustration at his inability to mentally progress was projected towards his wife. She sought counseling for both of them, but he continually refused. He finally shouted at her to get out and never come back. The granddaughter told me that after a year of verbal and physical abuse she did get out. She drove her old broken down car to Wisconsin to the only other person she ever had a home with.
The grandmother no longer had a home or savings to share. She was living in a senior housing complex that had strict rules about family members living with them. They had already given her notice that she was going to lose her housing if the granddaughter and great-grandchildren did not move out. The problem was they had nowhere to go. The great-grandmother did not know what to do because she could not throw them out on the street. The only thing she could think of was writing to The Time Is Now to Help.
The granddaughter told me about all the jobs she had been applying for. She said she had just received a call back the day before and was offered a very good job. She had a good education she would put to good use. We spoke about several places she had looked at to rent. She did not have any money for a security deposit and first month's rent. She knew the senior housing would not be patient any longer and allow her to stay until she had enough saved. After I called her employer and confirmed her new job, The Time Is Now to Help offered to pay the first month's rent and security deposit.
We also offered to have some repairs completed on her car. If she was going to be driving every day to her job she needed reliable transportation. The grandmother offered to watch the children after school. She could do that at the granddaughter's new apartment. I asked them how they were getting by with food and toiletries. They admitted they were having a hard time. I asked if I could look around and they told me to go ahead. I confirmed they were in need of both food and toiletries. The granddaughter had run out of funds and the grandmother was trying to pay all the bills and feed everyone on her meager social security. We supplied them with grocery and gas gift cards.
The following week I paid a visit to the granddaughter's new apartment when the grandmother was watching the children. When she invited me inside I realized they did not have many furnishings. The grandmother had given her a few chairs and small table. She also had given her some of her dishes and pans. I knew the grandmother probably did not have many of her own belongings left to share. I asked her if they had any mattresses. She looked embarrassed when she showed me they were sleeping on the floor. They also only had a few towels from the grandmother. The Time Is Now To Help supplied them with two twin beds and one full size bed, sheets, and towels. We also supplied some furniture that was donated and in great condition.
The mother and children were very grateful for the assistance they received. The mother said The Time Is Now To Help had given them all a fresh start after the last few years of struggle. The mother was very happy to report how much she enjoys her new job. The children are enjoying visits with their great-grandmother. She lives very close by and is a daily part of their life. The great-grandmother is the only extended family they have. The mother said she still called and wrote her ex-husband in hopes he had made some progress. So far he has not been happy to hear from her and still pushes away everyone that was close to him. She continues to hope he will at least someday make enough progress to be a friend to her and father to their children again.
God bless each and every one of you for your support. Together we ease the pains of poverty for our fellow creations.
Please remember the Lake Geneva Area Realty $40,000 Matching Grant. Every dollar you donate will be matched with another doubling your donation. Every penny you donate will be utilized 100 percent to provide food, toiletries, utility and housing assistance... to ease the pains of poverty of our fellow Americans.
Thank you for Caring and Sharing.
Health & Happiness, God Bless Everyone, W.C.
Please Help: Make checks payable to: The Time Is Now To Help, P.O. Box 70, Pell Lake, WI 53157. The Time Is Now To Help is a federally recognized 501(c)3 charitable organization licensed in the states of Wisconsin and Illinois. You will receive a tax deductible, itemized thank you receipt showing exactly what every penny of your donation provided for the poverty stricken.
A Very Special Thank You: Dorothy Heffernan, Lake Geneva Area Realty, Petco Foundation, Martin O'Brien, Patty & Sid Johnson, Lillian Rudolf, Gerald & Joyce Byers, Mark & Kathleen Kuglitsch, Geri Hinton, Dennis & Carol Frederick, Robert & Sharon Seiser, Jr., David & Penny Froh, Debra Guzman, Lydia Ploch in thanksgiving for a special favor, W.C. Family Resource Center/Food Pantry volunteers, and all the God loving volunteers of all our caring food pantries, ALL of you who support The Time Is Now to Help donation boxes, and the businesses that allow our donation boxes. Anyone who would like a Time Is Now donation box in your business, please call (262) 249-7000.
Memorials: Richard & Elizabeth Czaja in memory of Jane Faytle. Janice Ploch in memory of Richard Ploch.
We Desperately Need Cars: Please donate a used car to help our fellow American's get to work and other daily necessities.
Goodsearch for The Time Is Now: Search the web with www.goodsearch.com and help to raise funds for The Time Is Now To Help. Just make www.goodsearch.com your homepage and pick The Time Is Now To Help as your charity.
Please visit: www.timeisnowtohelp.org.